What Grinds My Gears

You can’t tell me that I am the ONLY one that laughs at Christian Bale’s Batman voice. I mean, the Dark Knight was a great film, but it was extremley long. But admit it, didn’t you laugh everytime he spoke in his “mask voice,” he sounded like a complete idiot?

If you know my good friend Christine, you know that her mock of the voice is almost exact to that of Christian Bale’s. His voice is just.. Michael Keaton had a much MUCH better one. I don’t really have much to say on this, but his voice is silly and stupid. Christian Bale’s, that is.

I think the above demotivational poster just really explains it all.

This concludes this post.

Wait, no it doesn’t.

WTF IS UP WITH WEARING FAIRY WINGS?

If you look in the upper right hand corner, you’ll see that there’s a wind chime inside this house. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t wind chimes supposed to be outside? Outside so the wind breezes on them and makes a natural, pleasant noise to sooth the soul?

What are you going to do with a wind chime inside a house? Are you going to turn on the fan and blow it at the wind chime so it sounds like a child smashing on a piano? What is the point?

Wind chimes are made for the OUTSIDE. Where there is WIND. Get it fucking right, people.

C’MON YOU LAZY FUCKING AMERICANS. COME THE FUCK ON. CHOP YOUR SHIT, WOMEN!

I never quite understood what people are doing or thinking when they’re reversing in parking lots and parking structures. Are they thinking? What’s going on through their heads?

Everyday at work I get bored. Everyday at work I stare out the window, with my jaw dropped looking like a five year old on cocaine who hasn’t slept in three weeks. And everyday that I look out the window, I witness at least twenty pairs of vehicles nearly crashing their rear ends.

Sometimes I wish it would happen so the stupid people would yell at each other and I had something to laugh about. People just don’t look where they’re going, and it really pisses me off. Do they think that they can just hold their breath, close their eyes, and hit the gas in reverse and hope for the best? I’ve come to the conclusion that nobody in California can drive.

Now somebody hand me the chapstick, my ass is quite chapped.

This is probably my number one pet peeve in the whole wide world. People that park like douchebags. Is it really that hard to back up and straighten out? It shouldn’t take more than a few seconds, really.

The first and only time I’ve ever hit another vehicle was at Fanime 2007. My car was parked in the corner parking spot, and I was backing up to finally leave the epic convention. I all of a sudden hear an ear piercing screeching noise and look behind me, and ask, “did I just fucking hit that car?” My friend nodded, and I pulled forward, the noise repeating, and I got out of the car.

I got out of the car, and analyzed the situation. There was purple paint all over her white bumper, and some white paint on my bumper. I did the nice thing and left a note with my name and phone number, offering to pay for some of the damage.

Before I got in the car, I realized, if she wasn’t parked like a complete idiot, I never would’ve hit her. She was parked crooked, so park of her car stuck out in the back, making it an easy target.

People need to take that extra five seconds and just straighten their vehicles. When people don’t, we can’t park, we can’t get out of our cars right if we do park, we hit them.. just.. FFFUUUCCCCKKK RRRRAAAAGGGGEEEE.

It’s mostly women that do this, too. Stupid cumdumpsters.

Jesus fucking CHRIST.

Now, answer me this one question. Why do you do this? Is it because you don’t know how to change the toilet paper roll? I would certainly hope not. Is it because you’re lazy? It doesn’t take too much work to do this, c’mon. Is it because you’re trying to be a pretentious asshole? Yes.

Now, I never quite understood WHY people do this, really. At work I’m usually the one who ends up actually putting the toilet paper roll on the plastic thing. Guests at my house do it all the time. I want to fucking rip their throats out.

So here, I give you, Lady Miss Sonic’s step by step instructions on how to change a fucking toilet paper roll:

1. Pull back the spring loaded plastic tube

2. Remove the spring loaded plastic tube

3. Remove the cardboard toilet paper thing

4. Put it in the fucking trash

5. Put a new toilet paper roll on there

6. Pull the spring loaded plastic tube back again

7. Place in hole

8. Let go, and it will fit into the other hole

RRRRRAAAGGGEEEEEE.